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Download Beyond Friendship and Eros: Unrecognized Relationships by John R. Scudder, Anne H. Bishop PDF

By John R. Scudder, Anne H. Bishop

Explores deep intimate own relationships among women and men.

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Extra resources for Beyond Friendship and Eros: Unrecognized Relationships Between Men and Women (S U N Y Series in the Philosophy of the Social Sciences)

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Men tend to think of friendship as doing something together, whereas, we women tend to think of friendship as enjoying each other. JACK: Well, I’m a man, and I would define friendship more as May does than as Lewis does, if I had to choose between them. But it’s possible to have both kinds of friends. I have friends that fit Lewis’s definition of friendship in that we like to think and argue together in pursuing the truth. I also have friends with whom I like to play tennis and fish. I would call this kind of friendship a side-by-side friendship, but I would not call such a relation friendship merely on the grounds that we enjoyed doing the same things together.

Werking certainly stresses the difficulty cross-sex friends have in avoiding romantic sexual relationships. Oddly, she fails to consider those cross-sex friendships in her study that did include sex, as the Michigan study did. JACK: Regardless of that significant omission, an important finding of Werking’s study is that cross-sex friendship can be more highly valued than relationships based on sex and romance. One man asserted that “his future romantic partner would need to accept his cross-sex friendship” (Werking 1997, 151).

But when the we-talk is primarily personal, then the legitimacy of our relationship comes into question. Do you find it difficult to form friendships with women with whom you are not as personally related as you are with Mary and me? Before I was married, I related to unmarried women as friends in a more personal way than most of my male friends. Even then, it was difficult to relate to women personally outside of courtship or marriage, because I was raised in a male world that tended to preclude close intimate relationships with women outside of courtship and marriage.

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